my ridic morning

today i had one of those mornings.
you know, the kind of morning when you are pretty sure things can’t get any more ridiculous and then they do.
let me tell you what happened:

around 9am i decided that i should probably get my hair cut while in portland. i mean who knows what kind of stylist are in the itty bitty pennsylvania town i’ll be living at the next month. i suppose i could wait until i move to detroit but then again corn rows aren’t really the look i’m going for.
so, today, (the day before i fly out) was the only day i could get my magical cut.

i did a quick yelp search and found a rockin salon with good prices within walking distance. i called and they had an opening in 30 minutes. i threw on some clothes, grabbed a cup of coffee and skipped out the condo.

on my way i managed to drop my phone (thank god i have an otter box. i swear those things are made out of steel!) get caught in the rain, fall off a curb and spilled coffee allllllll over my shirt and pants.
luckily, i was only 5 minutes late.

first they took me to a waiting room area to fill out new clientele paperwork. i explained that i wasn’t from portland but they insisted. on this necessary paperwork were the silliest questions ever. “do you have dandruff?” “do you wash your hair often?” “are you afraid of scissors?” blah blah blah. i finished and went to the spiny black chair.

i told the stylist the mullet had to go and i wanted some bangzz to help me get through the awkward-in-between-hair-lengths stage. she started cutting. first she gave me a bowl-ish cut. then she gave me Farrah Fawcett bangs. i laughed and tried to convince her to let me borrow her scissors for a minute. she wouldn’t budge. so i sketched her a quick picture of what i was wanting. she nodded and tried again. this time it was much better. i was mullet-free and had luscious volume! yay! i went up to pay and nearly peed myself when she told me how much money it was going to cost. (it was $20 over the listed price online). i swallowed some air, made a quick declaration, “my Dad has all the money in the world! i won’t freak out.” and handed over the plastic card. i also spotted some free coffee on my way out so i grabbed a cup and left.

the second i walked out the door my hair was as flat as a pancake. sigh. no volume. i got multiple texts from my mama and sister telling me to call them when i finished, etc. so i did. in fact i called them a gazillionnnnn times each. with no response. during this process, i ended up walking myself into a super sketchy part of town. you know, the kind of sketchville where you notice used condoms and needles on the ground. yeahhhh. i google mapped my way outta there but before i got out alive i tripped on a nob sticking out of the silly sidewalk, spilled the entire contents of my hot coffee out and yelled “FUUUUUUUreedom” while falling to the ground. mind you, this is ALL in front of a group of homeless men. oh yes… you better believe they laughed their asses off.

eventually i made it somewhere to do something….but the process was so ridiculous i felt like i had to punch someone or laugh about it. so i decided to laugh.

and this is the mullet-free, bangalocious new do: